Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
