i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
