I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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