I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
