yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
