So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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