brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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