So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
