What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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