i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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