cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
