Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
