i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
