Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
