I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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