So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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