Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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