Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
