I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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