hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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