literally had 100 drinks last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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