His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
