Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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