ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
