i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
