fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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