Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
