whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
