I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
