oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This house was built for laser tag.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
