Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
