I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
