you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
