gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize