His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
