I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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