sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
