I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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