Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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