who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
