her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
