sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
