now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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