I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
