Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
now i know why i became what i already was.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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