I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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