i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
