I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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