'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
