did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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