Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
