So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
