I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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