don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
