Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
