dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize