Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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