i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
