theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
