Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
