did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We need to get me chipped asap
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
