I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
