I looked at my own cervix.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
