genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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