Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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