Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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