I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the raccoons are back...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
