I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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