Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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