Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
