I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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