Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In America we eat man semen.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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