Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
