How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
