We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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