I think my fart just growled at me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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