I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
